Superman Stuff #29: Incomplete Classics II

Once again, today we’re going to look at a few of the older Superman comics I rescued on a trip to an antique mall a few weeks ago. Let’s start with a trip back to 1977, then bounce forward a couple of years. 

Superman #314
Title: Before This Night is Over, Superman Will Kill!
Writer: Martin Pasko
Pencils: Curt Swan
Inker: Dan Adkins
Cover: Neal Adams & Curt Swan

As I mentioned last week, picking up comics from bargain bins is a gamble, because you often will get an incomplete story without knowing it until you sit down to read. Such is the case here – the story starts right off with a child begging Superman not to kill his “dog,” only for next page to reveal that the boy is suffering from an alien germ called “Journalist’s Disease” which has apparently been plaguing Metropolis at least since Lois Lane caught it back in issue #311. (A four-issue arc? Rare at this time.) The “dog” is, in fact, an alien creature called Jevik that Superman believes is responsible for the disease. Jevik was sent by another alien – a pirate named Amalak – whose attack is intended as some sort of revenge against Superman as the last son of Krypton.

There were a LOT of aliens who hated Krypton back in the day. I wonder if James Gunn’s movie was on to something.

Anyway, Superman has a way to cure the disease, but needs equipment from the Justice League satellite. Arriving there, he finds Amalak, who claims to have killed Flash, Green Lantern, and Supergirl, and engages our hero in a final battle. 

The story as a whole is interesting for two reasons. First, there’s the alien Jevik. Aliens in comics past often fell into one of two categories: either they were basically human, save for skin color or an odd extra growth and maybe some sort of racial superpower, or they were so bizarre that one can’t even fathom how such a thing could have evolved. Jevik falls into the latter category. Superman’s description of his life cycle is so strange that it makes almost no sense. Fortunately, making sense is by no means a requirement to enjoy a story of this nature.

The other thing that is noteworthy is how infuriating the last page of this issue is. I’m gonna spoil it for you here, because I want to talk about how mad it made me and I can’t do that without telling you what happens, so if you’re trying to remain pristine on a 49-year-old comic book, skip this. After Superman has engaged the cure to Journalist’s Disease and its many victims are on the mend, Clark Kent visits the recovering Lois Lane in the hospital. Shattered at the fact that he almost lost her, Clark asks Lois to marry him. She says she will – IF he will confess to her, right then and there, that he is Superman. And he says he can’t do that and walks away, leaving them both heartbroken.

It was the 70s, I get it. At this time period, the status quo was God and nothing could change. But Mr. Pasko – you expect me to buy that Clark Kent was willing to marry Lois Lane, but was not willing to tell her his identity? 

And look, I know that 15 years later Clark would propose to Lois before she knew he was Superman, but the idea there was that he wanted her to love CLARK, and he would tell her the truth after they were engaged. There was never any doubt that he WOULD tell her. You can say that it may still have been problematic, but this? This is just absurd.

Loved it. Five-star issue.

Superman #366
Title: Revenge, Superman-Style (Story 1), Perry White’s Superboy Scoop (Story 2)
Writer: Cary Bates (1), Bob Rozakis (2)
Pencils: Curt Swan (1), Kurt Schaffenberger (2)
Inker: Frank Chiaramonte (Both)
Cover: Ross Andru & Dick Giordano

An amazing thing about comics of this era is just how much time they spent recapping the story so far. This issue gives us no fewer than four pages to set up the story and recap what happened in the previous issue: Clark Kent is taking another week off work at WGBS-TV because Superman is needed on a mission in space that he fears he may not return from. Supergirl, meanwhile, is worried about him because last issue she was manipulated into attacking him as a plot by what they assume is the Superman Revenge Squad, and he’s off to fight them on his own. He disguises himself as an alien and allows himself to be “discovered” by the Revenge Squad, claiming that Superman recently thwarted him as well. 

I love seeing the home of the Revenge Squad here. This isn’t a group of five or six bank robbers from Metropolis, friends, it’s a legion of evil aliens that Superman has thwarted time and again. They’ve got their own whole alien base. They even make a giant statue of Superman that they daily force to melt by shouting how much they HATE it. George Orwell would approve.

The aliens show off their various techniques to train while one of them secretly scans the newcomers brainwaves to make sure it’s not a trick…and he passes. What? How can this BE? The narrator even asks the same question. Unfortunately, the answer to that seems to come in issue #367, which I don’t have.

There’s a back-up story, though! A tale of “Superman: The In-Between Years,” which was a serial from that era that told stories of Superboy after the death of Jonathan and Martha Kent but before he began his career as Superman in Metropolis. In “Perry White’s Superboy Scoop,” the boy of steel has gone AWOL. Cities all over the country are claiming that he’s moved into town as various disasters are averted and crimes are thwarted anonymously. As people wonder where he’s gone now that he’s left Smallville, Daily Planet reporter Perry White is determined to prove that the kid has taken up residence in Metropolis. Clark Kent, of course, IS in Metropolis, attending college and carrying out good deeds in secret – deeds like saving Perry White from a mob boss. 

Both Clark and Perry catch wind of the fact that some mobsters Perry recently reported on are meeting a rival gang from Gotham City in a baseball stadium, and both seek it out. Superman stops the gangland shooting and Perry White realizes that, despite the hail of bullets the two gangs unleashed upon one another, they were all knocked UNCONSCIOUS rather than killed. He demands Superboy show himself, and…well…he does. Pretty soon the Planet is formally announcing that Metropolis is the new home of Superboy.

Huh?

Okay, I can SORT OF buy that Superboy wanted to play his location close to the vest after leaving Smallville. Maybe he hadn’t totally settled on Metropolis as his new home yet. But first of all, these are the stupidest gangsters in history, so intent on shooting each other that none of them noticed the teenager in blue tights or the reporter with a camera taking pictures of them while they were standing on the baseball diamond of an otherwise empty stadium. And worse than that is Superboy just basically shrugging and giving Perry the scoop. There’s no change of heart, nothing that makes him sure that Metropolis will be his home, he just throws his hands up in the air and announces he’s in Metropolis now. Perry had no proof, just another freak occurrence such as those that had been happening since Superboy went into hiding. It makes no sense whatsoever.

Another timeless masterpiece.

Blake M. Petit is a writer, teacher, and dad from Ama, Louisiana. His most recent writing project is the superhero adventure series Other People’s Heroes: Little Stars, volume one of which is now available on Amazon. Don’t forget, you can check out earlier blogs in the Year of Superman/Superman Stuff Archive! Got a request for a future “Superman Stuff”? Drop it in the comments!

Superman Stuff #11: Superman’s Girl Friend Lois Lane #16

A recurring theme during the original “Year of Superman” was just how awful so many of the silver age comics made Lois look over the years. I’m sorry to tell you, friends, that Superman’s Girl Friend Lois Lane is another prime example of this kind of bold storytelling. 

The first story is “Lois Lane’s Signal-Watch” with art by Kurt Schaffenberger with an unknown writer — although frankly, I wouldn’t want credit for this one either. Lois asks Superman a fairly reasonable question: why hasn’t he ever given her a signal watch like Jimmy Olsen’s, seeing as how she’s even more likely to get into trouble than Jimmy is. Superman initially balks at the idea, but softens and gives her a watch for her birthday. Almost immediately, Lois starts using it for ridiculously frivolous reasons: fixing the broken heel of her shoe, loosening a zipper that’s gotten stuck, and helping her out of a revolving door that won’t turn. Superman is understandably frustrated and warns her not to use the watch again unless it’s an emergency, an admonition that she takes so seriously that when she is later kidnapped by bank robbers (it must have been Tuesday) who are going to blow her to smithereens with a bomb, she STILL refuses to call for help.

This story is seemingly fashioned for the sole purpose of making Lois look like an idiot. Even the synopsis on the DC Universe Infinite app seems to recognize it: “Superman gives Lois a signal watch, and she drives him crazy calling about stupid things.” That’s the official synopsis.

“The Mystery of Skull Island” (Schaffenberger again, with art by Robert Bernstein) is a little better. Perry White sends Lois and Clark undercover, pretending to be a maid and butler for a reclusive horror movie actor who, recently having returned from his honeymoon with a wealthy heiress, has shunned any attempts at an interview by the press. Ethics aside, at least Lois doesn’t seem like a total moron in this story, as she and Clark find it increasingly odd that the wife doesn’t appear to be around in the mansion. Lois starts to suspect the actor is a modern-day Bluebeard, having murdered his wife for her money, and disguises himself as his wife’s ghost to shock him into confessing his crime. This may be one of the best stories Lois has in this era of the comics. She’s still headstrong and foolhardy, but at least she doesn’t come across as vapid or stupid like she does so often.

“The Kryptonite Girl” wraps this one up with yet another story of Lois not listening to Superman, written by Jerry Siegel himself with art by ol’ reliable Kurt Schaffenberger. He brings by a collection of alien artifacts for Jimmy and Lois to photograph for a Planet article, but warns them not to touch any of them, a warning that Lois heeds exactly as well as any three-year-old listens when you tell them to stop licking the floor. Something in the artifacts seems to give Lois the ability to emit Kryptonite rays from her eyes, an ability she is unable to turn off. When Superman discovers this, he treats Lois with the kind of dignity and respect we’ve come to expect from the Man of Steel. 

The end of this story is one of the absolute WORST tropes of the era: when it is revealed that Superman actually orchestrated the whole thing to “teach Lois a lesson.” It’s the kind of story that makes BOTH characters look terrible. These are the stories that the Superdickery website was built upon, and you can’t really blame ‘em. 

Blake M. Petit is a writer, teacher, and dad from Ama, Louisiana. His most recent writing project is the superhero adventure series Other People’s Heroes: Little Stars, volume one of which is now available on Amazon. Don’t forget, you can check out earlier blogs in the Year of Superman/Superman Stuff Archive! Got a request for a future “Superman Stuff”? Drop it in the comments!