A recurring theme during the original “Year of Superman” was just how awful so many of the silver age comics made Lois look over the years. I’m sorry to tell you, friends, that Superman’s Girl Friend Lois Lane is another prime example of this kind of bold storytelling. 

The first story is “Lois Lane’s Signal-Watch” with art by Kurt Schaffenberger with an unknown writer — although frankly, I wouldn’t want credit for this one either. Lois asks Superman a fairly reasonable question: why hasn’t he ever given her a signal watch like Jimmy Olsen’s, seeing as how she’s even more likely to get into trouble than Jimmy is. Superman initially balks at the idea, but softens and gives her a watch for her birthday. Almost immediately, Lois starts using it for ridiculously frivolous reasons: fixing the broken heel of her shoe, loosening a zipper that’s gotten stuck, and helping her out of a revolving door that won’t turn. Superman is understandably frustrated and warns her not to use the watch again unless it’s an emergency, an admonition that she takes so seriously that when she is later kidnapped by bank robbers (it must have been Tuesday) who are going to blow her to smithereens with a bomb, she STILL refuses to call for help.

This story is seemingly fashioned for the sole purpose of making Lois look like an idiot. Even the synopsis on the DC Universe Infinite app seems to recognize it: “Superman gives Lois a signal watch, and she drives him crazy calling about stupid things.” That’s the official synopsis.

“The Mystery of Skull Island” (Schaffenberger again, with art by Robert Bernstein) is a little better. Perry White sends Lois and Clark undercover, pretending to be a maid and butler for a reclusive horror movie actor who, recently having returned from his honeymoon with a wealthy heiress, has shunned any attempts at an interview by the press. Ethics aside, at least Lois doesn’t seem like a total moron in this story, as she and Clark find it increasingly odd that the wife doesn’t appear to be around in the mansion. Lois starts to suspect the actor is a modern-day Bluebeard, having murdered his wife for her money, and disguises himself as his wife’s ghost to shock him into confessing his crime. This may be one of the best stories Lois has in this era of the comics. She’s still headstrong and foolhardy, but at least she doesn’t come across as vapid or stupid like she does so often.

“The Kryptonite Girl” wraps this one up with yet another story of Lois not listening to Superman, written by Jerry Siegel himself with art by ol’ reliable Kurt Schaffenberger. He brings by a collection of alien artifacts for Jimmy and Lois to photograph for a Planet article, but warns them not to touch any of them, a warning that Lois heeds exactly as well as any three-year-old listens when you tell them to stop licking the floor. Something in the artifacts seems to give Lois the ability to emit Kryptonite rays from her eyes, an ability she is unable to turn off. When Superman discovers this, he treats Lois with the kind of dignity and respect we’ve come to expect from the Man of Steel. 

The end of this story is one of the absolute WORST tropes of the era: when it is revealed that Superman actually orchestrated the whole thing to “teach Lois a lesson.” It’s the kind of story that makes BOTH characters look terrible. These are the stories that the Superdickery website was built upon, and you can’t really blame ‘em. 

Blake M. Petit is a writer, teacher, and dad from Ama, Louisiana. His most recent writing project is the superhero adventure series Other People’s Heroes: Little Stars, volume one of which is now available on Amazon. Don’t forget, you can check out earlier blogs in the Year of Superman/Superman Stuff Archive! Got a request for a future “Superman Stuff”? Drop it in the comments!