Bob’s Burgers

Geek Punditry #153: You Don’t Want Us Exposing Ourselves

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My “Time of Death” in this year’s Mariahpocalypse came relatively early. It was Dec. 4, at 8:56 p.m., and I was taken out when her song was used in the background of a reel I scrolled across on Facebook, which – as far as I can tell – only popped up on my page at all because the person who made it was showing off a Christmas Supergirl costume and had tagged James Gunn. I am, however, still active in Whamageddon as of this writing.

Who would you rather have stalking your dreams — her or Freddy Krueger?

If none of that makes sense to you, let me explain. Whamageddon is a little game that has become popular at Christmastime over the last few years. The goal is to try to make it from December 1st until midnight on Christmas Eve without hearing the song “Last Christmas” by Wham! It’s not easy. They play the song on the radio all the time. It can pop up on the speakers in a store when you’re out shopping. The song exists in aerosol form, floating through the air, and at any moment may attack you like a swarm of angry hornets. Only the original recording counts, mind you – covers are fair game – but as soon as you recognize the song, you’ve lost. An optional rule is reporting your “Time of Death” on social media when it happens. Mariahpocalypse is, of course, the same game, but substitutes the song “All I Want For Christmas is You” by Mariah Carey, a song which is so ubiquitous at this time of year that odds are you have already heard it seven times while reading this paragraph.

Why those songs specifically? A friend of mine asked this the other day, even sharing the YouTube link to the “Last Christmas” music video. (Don’t worry – I didn’t click on it. Just seeing the link doesn’t eliminate you from the game, only hearing the song does.) His argument was that it doesn’t make sense because it’s “a great song.” And you know, it’s really not bad. It wouldn’t be on my top ten list of Christmas songs, but it’s certainly not at the bottom. That space is solely reserved for John Lennon, whose “Happy Xmas (War is Over)” is so gratingly depressing and self-absorbed that it has ironically been banned by the Geneva Conventions. As for Mariah – YOU might not like that song, but it’s clear that SOMEBODY does, because even now, 31 years after the song’s initial release, Forbes magazine estimates that she makes between $2.5 million and $3 million every year in royalties from that alone. If that doesn’t sound like a lot, keep in mind that the music industry is very different than it used to be. Sales of physical media are meager now, and to make $3 million on streaming a song would have to be played – and this is not a joke, I looked it up – approximately 687,000,000 times. That means every person in the United States would have to stream it at least TWICE, including your Great Aunt Mildred, who thinks that “streaming” is something she needs to talk to her urologist about. 

So the problem is obviously not that people don’t like it. I would argue that the reason Wham and Mariah have been targeted by this game is actually the opposite: they are TOO popular. So popular that, unless you’re really a fan of the songs or the musicians themselves, they start to get on your nerves. The songs, simply, have been overexposed.

“Guys, what are we doing here? I thought he was writing about Christmas this week.”

The truth is, any media runs the risk of an overdose if you see it too much. Last year, for example, my son discovered the Tales of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles animated series on Paramount+, and he fell in love with it. The show is a spinoff of the feature film Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem from 2023, picking up where the movie left off and keeping the same tone, animated style, and most of the voice cast. I’d enjoyed the movie and I was quite happy to discover that I enjoyed the show as well.

The first time.

But as anyone with children can tell you, if a kid really likes something they don’t want to watch it just once. Oh no. They cycle back to the beginning and start over again. And this is what Eddie started to do. Once he reached the end of the final episode, he’d roll right into episode 1 and start watching the show over, to the point of excluding everything else. For over a month, Tales of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was the only thing he wanted to watch AT ALL, and even though I liked the show, I got tired of it VERY fast. It was made worse by the fact that there is only one season of the show so far, only 12 episodes, so he could cycle through the entire thing VERY quickly. I would pick him up from school and when he’d get home he would immediately go back to whatever episode he was watching when he was bundled out the door that morning. When it got to the point that my wife and I were saying the jokes out loud to one another ahead of time, we knew something had to be done. We tried to convince him to try other Ninja Turtle cartoons – there are, and this is a rough estimate, 17 trillion of them — and even if it was still all mutants all the time, it would be nice to at least not have to watch the same 12 episodes over and over. These efforts were met with failure however. After an episode or two of whatever show we put in front of him, he would invariably demand that we cycle back to Tales. Adding the movie into the rotation only gave us slight relief. 

This is the point in the story where certain members of the audience are thinking, “Well YOU are the adults. Why didn’t you just TELL him to watch something else?” These are a very specific subset of audience members that I like to refer to as “people who do not have children.” The rest of the audience knows EXACTLY why we didn’t just tell him to watch something else. Regardless, this went on for some time until football season started up and he was distracted by sports, finally breaking the cycle.

For some reason, we experienced this same phenomenon again THIS year, except this time instead of the Turtles, it was reruns of the game show Supermarket Sweep. I’m already trying to find a strategy to distract him after the Super Bowl this year so we don’t get stuck again.

The point is, even the best cartoon, movie, or song will become tedious if you are exposed to it too often. The human brain craves variety. We want to be entertained, yes, but entertainment is often predicated on surprise, on the unpredictability of what we’re watching. Sure, there’s such a thing as a “comfort show.” Shows like Friends, The Office, or Bob’s Burgers have devoted, almost militant fan bases that can just keep watching those shows over and over again, watching almost nothing else. In fact, there have been studies that indicate watching a comfort show is a way of relieving anxiety, because you know what’s coming and because revisiting them fires the same chemicals in the brain as you get from spending time with family and friends. That’s right – you love going back to the Belcher family because your brain thinks it’s your OWN family. 

“Ya heah that, Bobby? They think we’re FAMILY!”

However, you may notice that the shows that make this list – that echelon where a devoted section of the fan base can cycle through them again and again – are almost exclusively shows that were produced for many years. Friends had 236 episodes, The Office 201, and Bob’s Burgers – which is still on the air and still in production – aired episode #305 last weekend. Even if you picked one of these shows and watched nothing else, it would take the average person with a job and normal activities weeks or even months to get through the entire thing before you would cycle back to episode one. Fans of one-season wonders like Firefly may love their show, but I don’t know any Browncoats who just watch the 14 episodes and one movie over and over again without any other entertainment in their life. 

There’s also, if we’re being totally honest here, a bit of a hipsterish anti-popularity vibe when it comes to things that become true cultural icons. If you were alive at any point in the last dozen or so years, you may have heard of a little Disney movie called Frozen. It doesn’t matter if you personally have had children or were a child at any point in this time period, it was absolutely inescapable. A month before the movie came out we all had the soundtrack beamed directly into our brains telepathically. The movie won awards, it produced a mountain of merchandise, and John Travolta somehow egregiously mangling Idina Menzel’s name at the Oscars is perhaps the most entertaining thing that has happened at the award ceremony in the last three decades, or at least until they accidentally tried to give “Best Picture” to La La Land that one time. 

If your kids ask what 2013 looked like, just show them this.

But with the indisputable popularity of Frozen came a backlash. If you say that you like that movie in modern company, you WILL be met with a certain derision. People will tell you that THEY never thought it was THAT good. Mention how you appreciated the fact that it didn’t have a traditional “Disney Princess”-style love story and someone will appear behind you as though you’d said “Candyman” three times in order to inform you that Wreck-It Ralph and Big Hero Six didn’t have love stories either. Start humming a few bars of “Let it Go” and a coven of Disney Witches will try to trap you in a circle and summon the ghost of Lin-Manuel Miranda, which REALLY irritates him because he’s still alive. 

But the thing is, guys, Frozen is a good movie. Like, it objectively is. The animation is gorgeous, the songs are catchy and memorable, the vocal performances by Menzel and Kristen Bell are phenomenal, and the story is not only atypical of what we expected from a Disney Princess movie but at the same time was profoundly moving and had a wonderful message about love and acceptance. But you absolutely are not allowed to say that in certain circles without somebody grinding up a DVD of Tangled into powder and trying to force you to snort a line.

The point is, it’s okay to get tired of something. If you watch or listen to anything too often, odds are you’re going to want to put it aside and watch something else, and that’s perfectly fine. That’s normal. It’s even okay if you get so sick of something that you never want to watch it again. But that’s not an actual metric of QUALITY. Sure, there are some things whose popularity is inexplicable, but you’re not a better person than somebody else because you don’t like them. And while games like Whamageddon are fun, that shouldn’t be taken as a statement that the songs are bad, just that they’ve maybe gotten a little more air time than we would like.

And you know the good thing about losing Mariahpocalypse on Dec. 4? That means I’ve got three whole weeks until Christmas in which I’m safe to listen to the song as much as I want. 

Blake M. Petit is a writer, teacher, and dad from Ama, Louisiana. His most recent writing project is the superhero adventure series Other People’s Heroes: Little Stars, volume one of which is now available on Amazon. You can subscribe to his newsletter by clicking right here. He’s also started putting his LitReel videos on TikTok. He hasn’t watched the movie, but he suspects that a lot of the comments he’s made about overexposure could also be applied to the film K-Pop Demon Hunters. 

Geek Punditry #128: The Dad Scale

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This weekend is Father’s Day, the one day a year in which people pretend to appreciate all the things that fathers do for their family. But I mean, it’s tough – after all, where are our role models in the world of pop culture? If you look in the annals of fiction, the number of truly good, successful fathers is completely overwhelmed by the gargantuan number who act like buffoons. There was a 20-year stretch from around 1990 through 2010 when it was federally mandated that at least 47 percent of all television comedies feature a father who was an absolute idiot married to a woman who treated him like he was an absolute idiot, but it was acceptable because she was hotter than he was.

But even though these lousy dads get the focus, is that really fair? There ARE good fathers in fiction, just like there are bad ones. Just like real life. So today, in Geek Punditry, I’m going to choose some fictional dads and rank them on a scale from the best to the worst. 

(In the interest of completion, I should mention that we here at Geek Punditry Global Headquarters and While-U-Wait Notary Services are, of course, aware of the exploits of one Theodore Huxtable. Had this column been written a decade ago, he most assuredly would have been ranked among the top dads in fiction. However, through no fault of the character, Cliff’s legacy has been tarnished by the actor who PLAYED him, so we’re going to pass on further comment.)

BEST: Bandit Heeler.

It’s been a minute since I talked about Bluey here in this column, but that’s mostly because it’s been a year since the last new episode, so I’ve had to content myself with reruns. But let’s make no mistake – of all the fathers in the annals of popular fiction, it’s hard to argue that anyone is more devoted than Bandit Heeler. Bandit’s daughters are two little balls of chaos, full of life and energy, and also constantly dragging their dad into their games. And Bandit steps up every time – he plays along, he expands the world of the game, and he occasionally uses it to teach a lesson.

But he makes mistakes, of course. He does – on rare occasions – show his exasperation with his kids. And his attempts at teaching a lesson can sometimes fall on deaf ears, such as in the episode “Magic Claw,” in which he persuades the girls to do chores to get money for a “claw machine,” played by Bandit himself. “They’re learning a valuable lesson, and we’re getting the house clean!” he says. His wife Chili, simply shakes her head and says “Neither of those things are happening.” But when the lesson fails, Bandit rolls with the punches, accepting that sometimes the lesson that needs to be learned is his own.

When he is offered a chance to move to another town for more money, in “The Sign,” he takes that job not because he wants to leave his home in Brisbane, but because he thinks it will make a better life for his wife and kids. And when he realizes that neither his wife nor his kids actually WANT to leave, that they are perfectly content with the good life they already have, Bandit wisely steps back from the transfer. He sees they don’t need money to chase happiness, as they already have it.

Bandit is the dad that every dad in the world wants to live up to. It’s not just a meme. It’s the truth.

WORST: Victor Frankenstein

He may not be a biological father, but every bit of tragedy that can be wrung out of the pages of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein can be boiled down to parental abandonment. In his thirst to conquer death, Victor creates a creature out of the corpses of the dead and uses an arcane process to infuse it with life. He brings a new, intelligent being into the world, and by any reasonable definition of the word, that makes him the creature’s father. So what’s the first thing Victor does upon achieving parenthood?

He abandons his son.

He is so horrified by seeing this collection of corpses come to life that he runs in terror, leaving it alone. And at this point, it should be noted, the creature is analogous to a baby – his mind is a blank slate. He knows nothing, understands nothing. He wanders into the woods where he spies on a family long enough to learn things like language, then when he tries to join them, he is rejected again. He grows understandably angry and bitter, and decides (less understandably) to take his rage out on the entire human race, but ESPECIALLY on dear ol’ dad. 

Had Victor taken half a second to stop, to THINK, it all may have been avoided – the death of his brother, the death of his fiancé, the deaths of all the other people who crossed the creature’s path at the wrong time. Had he actually attempted to RAISE his creature, as a father should, things may have been very, very different. But he was weak, he was foolish, and he ran, leaving an embryo to turn into an abomination. Short of direct abuse, abandonment is as low on the scale of parenthood as you can get. 

So there’s our rating scale, friends. At the top, Bandit Heeler at 100 percent. At the bottom is Victor Frankenstein with a big honkin’ zero. Let’s grab a few other dads from the world of fiction and see where they measure up. This isn’t a comprehensive list, mind you, just the first few fictional dads that occurred to me (and that I thought would be interesting to write about). 

Bob Belcher, Bob’s Burgers

Bob Belcher is the father of three children, plus his wife Linda, who can at times be the equivalent of two more. Plus his best friend (or best “customer” depending on when you ask him) Teddy, so that’s like eight. And while Bob is constantly worried, anxious, and long-suffering with a restaurant that barely seems to break even, there’s one thing that you can never say about Bob, and that’s that he doesn’t love his kids. Tina, Gene, and Louise would each be a handful on their own. They are, respectively, a neurotic boy-crazed preteen girl who seems to share his anxiety issues, a middle child who has taken the middle child hunger for attention to an absurd extreme, and a little demon more devoted to pandemonium than anything else. Any ONE of Bob’s kids could wear a parent to the nub.

But although Bob’s frustration is constant, he does his best to keep from taking it out on the kids. He supports them. He cares about them. No matter how bizarre or incomprehensible their latest obsession may be, Bob never once shames them or even tries to talk them out of it, unless it’s a situation where he feels they may be in actual danger (physical or emotional). When Tina is swindled out of a beloved Equestranauts toy, Bob not only spends days memorizing every tidbit of Equestranauts errata that he can get his hands on in an effort to con the con man, he goes to a convention in a horse costume and even subjects himself to GETTING A TATTOO to get it back. When a rock and roll laser show he loved as a child is about to close forever, he moves Heaven and Earth to bring Gene with him to see it one last time, because he wants to share it with his son. And no matter how many pranks she pulls or ulcers she may cause him, it is evident in every episode just how much Louise adores her father – even if she’d never admit it.

On the Good Dad Scale of Victor to Bandit, Bob Belcher is about a 90. 

Frasier Crane, Cheers & Frasier & Frasier (again)

Kelsey Grammar’s Frasier Crane started out as a pretty good dad. After his son, Fredrick, was born, in the last few seasons of Cheers we see several episodes that show him as a loving and devoted father, even (and especially) after his wife leaves the two of them in the final season. Remember, abandonment is an automatic failing grade. But when he got his own spinoff, the tailored Italian loafers were on the other foot – Fredrick stays with his ex-wife in Boston, while Frasier moves across the country to Seattle. It was a practical decision for the producers of the show – they wanted to get the character as far away from any elements of Cheers as they could to allow the show to stand on its own. But in doing so, they made Frasier come across as a very absent father. Once or twice a season we’d get an episode where Freddy comes to visit his dad or Frasier goes back to Boston to visit Freddy, and in those episodes we usually see a loving relationship, but for the most part Frasier isn’t there.

In fairness, the character eventually recognizes his mistake, and in the Frasier reboot that hit a couple of years ago, after the death of his own father, Frasier moves BACK to Boston to live with Freddy, hoping to forge the bond that he neglected for far too long. It wasn’t a case of “too little, too late,” as Freddy does, in fact, show that he loves his father. But the new dynamic demonstrates so clearly that Frasier and Freddy don’t really understand each other that he simply can’t get a high score. 

On the Good Dad Scale of Victor to Bandit, Frasier Crane is about a 40. Ironically, by the end of the first Frasier run, his dad Marty had climbed up to about 75.

Tim “The Toolman” Taylor, Home Improvement

Tim Allen’s character on Home Improvement didn’t INVENT the trope of a bumbling husband and long-suffering wife, but I would argue that the two decades of adherence to it are in large part to the popularity of his show. Tim plays Tim, the host of a TV home improvement show obsessed with juicing up every gadget he can get his hands on in the quest for “more power.” He’s also the father of three young boys (who, over the course of the show, become three teenage boys). His efforts at parenthood are the main plot of around half the episodes and a B-plot in most of the others. 

Tim can be oblivious at times, often getting so caught up in whatever his current project is that he misses the obvious cues that people around him aren’t enjoying his tomfoolery. But I think it’s important to recognize that Tim never deliberately sets out to harm anyone. And in fact, the only person who usually gets hurt by his antics is Tim himself. What’s more, he genuinely enjoys spending time with his sons, although he can get frustrated when they don’t necessarily share his own interests (these stories are usually played out with his middle son, played by Jonathan Taylor Thomas) and has trouble connecting with the things they want that he doesn’t. But there can never be any doubt that Tim loves his boys, something he tries to make clear as his own father died when he was a child and he’s felt a gaping void his entire life. And whenever Tim realizes his mistakes (usually thanks to the wisdom of Wilson, the Neighbor Behind the Fence) he tries his best to make amends.

On the Good Dad Scale of Victor to Bandit, Tim Taylor is about a 65. He passes, just not with flying colors.

Peter Griffin, Family Guy

In the early days of Family Guy, Peter Griffin was kind of a less-loveable Homer Simpson. He was a dolt, he screwed up all the time, and he often behaved selfishly. But while Homer usually came around and realized his mistakes, genuinely loving his wife and kids, over the years Peter has doubled down on his stupidity, selfishness, and mean-spiritedness. He ignores his youngest child, leaving him to spend all his time with the dog, and Peter and – frankly – the entire rest of the family are frequently cruel and even abusive to his daughter, Meg. It’s an awful, toxic relationship, and despite an occasional episode that tries to show a bond between the members of the Griffin family, the formula of the show always drifts back to the fact that these are people who pretty much hate each other and would have no reason to associate with one another were they not related. 

On the Good Dad Scale of Victor to Bandit, Peter Griffin is a 10, and that’s the ONLY time you’ll ever call Peter called a ten. 

Jeff Morales, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

Jeff is the father of Miles Morales, a teenage boy who becomes the new Spider-Man after the original dies in battle. He’s also a cop, and he’s also kind of a dork. And that’s one of the things that makes him a great father. Jeff’s establishing character moment comes early in Into the Spider-Verse, where he drops Miles off at school. He tells Miles that he loves him, but when Miles starts to leave without reply, Jeff blares his police siren and tells him over his loudspeaker, “You’ve gotta say I love you back.”

At first, it seems like a typical parent trying to embarrass his kid, but I always thought this scene was more important, more indicative than that. If you just want to embarrass your child, there are thousands of different ways to do it, and every dad on this list (even the good ones) has found his own unique spin on that concept. Jeff is playing his dad card to embarrass Miles a little, yes, but more importantly, he wants his son to know two things.

  1. He loves him.
  2. It’s okay to SAY it.

There are SO MANY dads – not just in fiction, but sadly, in real life – who seem to think those words are something to shy away from. That it’s somehow unmanly to express that emotion, that a “real” dad would NEVER say such a thing to his child, especially his son. What utter nonsense. If Peter Griffin’s dad had told him he loved him once in a while, maybe his own family wouldn’t be the human equivalent of a cesspool. 

Jeff wants Miles to know that he loves him and that he’s not ashamed to express it, and that’s a lesson that more dads in the world need to know. For that, if nothing else, he gets a very high score. On the Good Dad Scale of Victor to Bandit, Jeff Morales is an 85. 

Heinz Doofenshmirtz, Phineas and Ferb

Yes, I’m bringing up Phineas and Ferb. Yes, AGAIN.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz is a supervillain. He spends his days working on one invention after another in an effort to conquer or bring humiliation to those who he believes have wronged him. He is funded by an absurdly generous alimony agreement with his ex-wife, Charlene. He gets beaten up by a platypus every single day. 

And he loves his daughter, Vanessa, with such total devotion that you can’t possibly hate him.

Doof usually has some sort of preposterous backstory to explain his scheme of the day, and a great many of them deal with just how awful his own parents were. They made him stand out in the yard because they couldn’t afford a garden gnome. His father named the dog “Only Son.” When his mother’s second child turned out to be a boy, they made Heinz wear the girl’s clothes she had mistakenly made for an entire year, while showing blatant favoritism to the new kid, Roger. They abandoned him to be raised by ocelots. And even before any of these other indignities, NEITHER of his parents bothered to show up for his birth. 

Doof will be damned if he EVER allows his daughter to feel anything less than complete adoration from him. 

This isn’t to say that he’s the PERFECT dad, of course. He wants Vanessa to follow him into the family business, which is “Evil.” He’s overprotective and occasionally intrusive, such as when he pretended to be a teenager to accompany her on a campout. He spends YEARS trying to hunt down a toy she wanted as a child, never considering that as a teenager she may not actually want it anymore. When some dude on a motorcycle catcalls his daughter, he zaps him into another dimension. (Okay, that one actually should go in the plus column.) But everything he does is done with sincere love and a desire to give his daughter the happy childhood he never had, even recruiting his arch-nemesis Perry the Platypus to help throw Vanessa a birthday party. 

On the Good Dad Scale of Victor to Bandit, Heinz Doofenshmirtz is about an 80. He’s the most inept supervillain on the planet, but he just may be the greatest dad in the ENTIRE TRI-STATE AREA!!!

We could do this much longer, friends – there are countless other fictional dads we could bring up and debate and find their place on the scale, but I think I’ve gone through enough to make my point. Have a great Father’s Day, and make sure your own dad knows you’d put him at the top of the list. 

Blake M. Petit is a writer, teacher, and dad from Ama, Louisiana. His most recent writing project is the superhero adventure series Other People’s Heroes: Little Stars, volume one of which is now available on Amazon. You can subscribe to his newsletter by clicking right here. He’s also started putting his LitReel videos on TikTok. On his best days as a dad, he knows he’s not at Bandit standards, but if he can hit Dr. D, he feels like he’s done all right. 

Geek Punditry #95: A Not-So-Scary Punditry

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“You know Blake,” some of you may be saying, “Just because it’s October doesn’t mean that EVERYTHING you write about has to be scary. Some of us don’t necessarily NEED to immerse ourselves in serial killers and cosmic horror and Stephen King 24/7.”

“You’re right,” I said.

“I…I am?” you reply.

“Yeah, you are. I guess just because it’s October doesn’t mean EVERYTHING has to be scary.”

“Oh. Oookay. Well…GOOD!”

“So this week,” I say, “I’ll talk about some stuff that isn’t scary at all.”

“Thank you.”

“Still gonna write about Halloween, though.”

“Damn it.”

We all know how much I love the creepy content during Spooky Season, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t other things about Halloween that I love just as much – things that wouldn’t scare anybody but, at the same time, still contribute to the ghoulishly gleeful fun of this month. So if you’re NOT the kind of person who wants to be freaked out for Halloween but you still want to take part in the celebration, I’m going to give you guys a few recommendations for totally safe, family-friendly Halloween entertainment that will hopefully take you through to next month.

Fun stuff like a severed head pie!

When I’m not watching somebody getting disemboweled in October, you know what’s the next best thing? Baking. I’ve been a fan for YEARS of the Food Network’s “Baking Championship” shows, and Halloween is the prime time. There are a whopping 14 seasons of Halloween Baking Championship available, and they’re all worth watching. In case you need someone to spell it out for you, it’s a pretty standard reality competition show. Each season a new group of contestants are gathered together and made to compete in a series of baking challenges, each episode one contestant is eliminated, and in the end, a victor is crowned. There are a wide variety of challenges as well – sometimes they have to make a certain type of dessert, sometimes they have to decorate their concoction based on a specific theme, sometimes there’s a specific ingredient they have to use. This is all well and good, but as I can’t actually eat any of the things that they’re making at home, I generally tune in to see what these creations look like. I’m in awe of some of these cakes and pies and cobblers that come out looking like monsters, skeletons, witch’s cauldrons, spellbooks, and any other sort of thing you can imagine.

Now, this isn’t one of those shows where they’re necessarily attempting to IMITATE real things (you’re thinking of Is It Cake?, where the goal is to make a cake that can trick someone into thinking it’s something else, like a shoe). This is purely about the artistry and creativity of the decorating and how good the food actually tastes. I don’t talk about it much, but I actually quite enjoy baking. It’s a fun, soothing, and edible hobby, and I think I can do a decent job making things that taste pretty good. However, absolutely NOTHING I have ever or will ever make in my entire life will look as amazing as the stuff we see on this show. Even the LOSERS turn out confections that put anything I could ever create to shame, and somehow I enjoy watching that.

If you think that sign is gonna stop me from eating your house, Mr. Snake, you are sadly mistaken.

I also like these shows way more than “traditional” reality competitions like Survivor or Big Brother because — unlike those other shows — you don’t have the pettiness, the nastiness, or the backstabbing that have made them world-famous. In fact, it’s not at all unusual to see the contestants on these shows HELP each other if they can. It’s not QUITE as cozy as The Great British Baking Show, but there’s still a vibe of camaraderie that makes this show far more entertaining than one where they’re voting each other off.

It’s not the only show that has this pedigree as well. There are two other Food Network shows with similar formats that I also enjoy. Outrageous Pumpkins is structurally the same, except instead of baking it’s about carving and building elaborate displays out of pumpkins. Then there’s Halloween Wars, which combines the two: on this show there are teams of food artists (typically a baker, a pumpkin carver, and someone skilled in making things out of sugar) working together to create remarkably elaborate dioramas that look like they could have spilled out of a haunted house. 

Maybe that’s not your thing, though. You want something with a story, a plot. I’ve got just the thing, guys, and it’s called Bob’s Burgers. This has been one of my favorite cartoon series for years. At its core, it’s an animated sitcom about the owner of a struggling hamburger joint and his lunatic family, including his wife Linda and their three kids. The thing about this show, though, is that no matter how strange, bizarre, or absolutely ludicrous that week’s misadventure may get, there is a warm and loving core. Bob and Linda Belcher love each other and love their children completely and without reservation. That doesn’t mean they never get mad or have conflict, because real love doesn’t work that way, but at the end of the day they deeply care about one another, and that’s really refreshing in an era where so many TV comedies are about families who can’t even be in the same room together without being jerks. 

Bob gives you a Halloween episode with FULL bars of chocolate.

The Belchers are in their FIFTEENTH season, and they’ve actually done more for holiday episodes than almost any other show I’ve ever seen. Over a dozen of their fifteen seasons have included Halloween episodes. Not only that, but they almost always have a Thanksgiving episode AND a Christmas episode each year. Plus, while not exactly an annual occurrence like the others, there have been several Valentine’s Day episodes as well. The people behind this show LOVE their holidays. If you’ve got the Hulu streaming service, there’s a spot in their “Huluween” library where you can actually access every Halloween episode of Bob’s Burgers right now. Just try to ignore the fact that 13 Halloweens have gone by and Louise Belcher is still eight years old. It’s a cartoon, you know how this works. 

Last year, I spent an entire column writing about some of the great Halloween specials and how much I want new ones. I’m not going to go through all of them again (go ahead and read last year’s column), but let’s remember how many awesome non-scary Halloween specials actually exist. Beyond the classics like It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown and Garfield’s Halloween Adventure, there are lesser-known but still worthy movies and specials like Rankin and Bass’s Mad Monster Party, Halloween is Grinch Night, or The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. 

But what about the SHORTS, guys?

I’m still waiting for a scientific explanation for how Louie kept that pumpkin on his head.

I have often felt like a man out of time in many respects, and none more so than my craving for theatrical animated shorts. There was a time, a halcyon era before I was born, when buying a movie ticket would include not just the feature film, but at least one short film. It’s the place where the Looney Tunes, Tom and Jerry, and the Disney pantheon all came from, and the fact that not even Pixar is still consistently giving us theatrical cartoon shorts makes me a sad, sad panda. But back in the day, these studios gave us some magnificent Halloween shorts that are still fun to watch today. Let’s talk about two of my favorites, both of which star the same phenomenal voice actor, the immortal June Foray. 

In 1952, Jack Hannah gave us Disney’s Trick or Treat, which is in the running for my favorite Donald Duck cartoon of all time. I know you’ve seen this one: Donald pranks his nephews while they’re trick-or-treating by dumping water on their heads, because Donald is just that kind of a jerk sometimes. This transgression is witnessed by Witch Hazel – voiced by Foray – and she decides to give Donald his comeuppance. She comes after Donald with the help of the boys, some singing ghosts, and a magic spray that gives her control over his legs. 

The same thing happened to me when I tried the “Wednesday Whopper” at Burger King.

It’s a funny cartoon with gorgeous animation and, along with it, a song that should by God be a national Halloween anthem. I’m not even joking – if a kid came up to my house singing the “Trick or Treat” song from this cartoon I would just dump all of my candy into their bag and close the door, because they just won Halloween. Plus there’s June Foray as Witch Hazel, the only person in the history of American cinema who even comes close to Mel Blanc as a voice master. Some people have even called her the “female Mel Blanc,” while others find it more appropriate to refer to Blanc as “the male June Foray.” I’m not going to argue with either one of them.

But it didn’t end there. Four years later, in 1956, director Chuck Jones asked Foray to reprise her role as Witch Hazel – not in a Disney short, but for the Looney Tunes. You see, Jones noticed that “witch hazel” is the name of an actual plant and, therefore, Disney could not trademark the name, making it free for him to use as well. Armed with the law on his side, he recruited Foray into his acting troupe for the cartoon Broom-Stick Bunny.

Marvel likes to act like they invented things, but June Foray has been doing Multiversal Variants since the 1950s.

In this one, Bugs Bunny is wearing a witch costume for his trick-or-treating and winds up in the mansion of, once again, Witch Hazel, who thinks he IS a fellow witch and invites him in. It’s a great cartoon and knowing that Jones deliberately cast Foray to voice the character in an attempt to “remake” the Disney version makes it even funnier. Foray, for her part, did attempt to differentiate the two witches, using an American accent for the Warner Bros version instead of the British accent she gave the Disney witch, but it’s hard to watch the two cartoons back-to-back without picturing them as the same character. Foray would reprise the Witch Hazel role several times and ultimately became a frequent collaborator of Chuck Jones. The voice of Cindy Lou Who from How the Grinch Stole Christmas may have been totally different if Jones didn’t want to poke at the Disney machine just a little bit.

Actual photograph of Disney’s reaction upon learning of the Chuck Jones cartoon (1956, colorized).

If you want to join in on the fun of Halloween but you don’t want to be scared, there are still plenty of options out there for you. Round up the kids, watch some of these classic cartoons, try to recreate some of the eerie edibles from the Food Network shows, and just have fun with it. Halloween should be fun, and if your idea of fun doesn’t involve having your blood chilled, there’s nothing wrong with that. You’ve just got to find what unlocks your inner ghoul with lighter fare. 

QUICK NOTE: If you’re the type of person who actually reads the title of these columns (hi!) then you may notice that this issue the 95th installment of Geek Punditry. Coming up on the two-year anniversary and, perhaps more important, the nice, round 100th column. I’m the kind of nerd who likes nice, round numbers, and I want to do something special for the big 1-0-0…trouble is, I don’t know WHAT to do. So if you have a suggestion for something you think I should write about or something I’ve discussed in the past you’d like me to go back to, here’s your chance to let me know I’m open for suggestions! You can drop them in the comments here, on whatever social media you followed to get to this post, or email me at info@blakempetit.com!

Blake M. Petit is a writer, teacher, and dad from Ama, Louisiana. His most recent writing project is the superhero adventure series Other People’s Heroes: Little Stars, volume one of which is now available on Amazon. You can subscribe to his newsletter by clicking right here. He’s still not sure what he’s going to dress up as for Halloween this year. He was considering a Stephen King costume, but he hasn’t been able to find a Maine travel guide. 

Geek Punditry #46: We Need Something to be Thankful For

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In January, I decided to do a soft relaunch of this blog, challenging myself to find something I was happy about in pop culture to write about once a week. And although I’ve been pretty successful with that goal so far, it hasn’t always been easy. This week, for example. This week’s post is scheduled for Nov. 17, the last Friday before Thanksgiving, and in a situation like that my normal inclination is to write something about the culture of the holiday, an exploration of some of the classic movies or specials that I always associate with the season, that I revisit every year, and that helps enrich and makes the holidays more meaningful for me. There’s only one problem. In that November, there isn’t that much to be thankful for.

I mean, it’s not even deep-fat fried.

Christmas is easy – there are thousands of Christmas-themed films, TV shows, books, and comics I can turn to, and between Hallmark and the Lifetime Channel they’ve turned out 17 more since we began reading this sentence. Halloween, similarly, isn’t difficult. There are a lot of Halloween-specific movies, and really, anything on the creepy spectrum can feel Halloween-appropriate, even if it’s not set around Samhain. Thanksgiving, though? That’s tougher. 

There are a few Thanksgiving movies, but to date there’s really only been one GREAT Thanksgiving movie, and that’s the 1987 classic Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. If you’ve never seen it, I recommend you check it out before next week: Steve Martin plays an executive trying to get home from a business trip in time for Thanksgiving, and absolutely everything goes wrong. But he’s not alone: fate seems to have linked his travel mishaps with a buffoonish shower curtain ring salesman (really) played by the late, great John Candy. Both of these comedians are at the top of their game in this movie – Steve Martin plays the straight man for most of the film, save for one memorable freak-out scene at a rental car counter, and Candy manages to pull the viewer on a roller coaster ride that makes his character at turns goofy, charming, unbearable, sympathetic, and even tragic. My wife Erin contends (and I do not disagree) that if Candy hadn’t passed away at such a young age, he would have had a late-career dramatic renaissance like John Goodman or Bryan Cranston. And while I wouldn’t change anything about the Breaking Bad/Better Call Saul universe, there’s an alternate reality out there where Candy lived long enough to play Saul Goodman, and I bet that’s really interesting. At any rate, this scene shows hints of that dramatic master that, sadly, will never be. There are several must-see movies every Christmas and Halloween for me, but out of all the Thanksgiving movies that exist, Planes, Trains, and Automobiles is the only one I go out of my way to watch every year. 

“Seriously, shower curtain rings?”

The first runner up would probably be Fun in Balloon Land, a horrific fever dream of a film where a child wanders through a fairy land made up of hideous balloon people at the behest of a creepy narrator, intercut with scenes of the world’s most boring Thanksgiving parade. This film is truly an abomination, but the good people of RiffTrax have put out a commentary track that is a favorite of mine.

But that’s it? Only two really memorable movies? One and a half, really – Balloon Land isn’t even an hour long. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite days of the year. I feel like it deserves more. 

(This is the point where someone in the comments will point out Eli Roth’s new holiday slasher flick Thanksgiving, now playing. But I haven’t seen it yet, and even if I had, I feel like a minimum of five years needs to pass before it’s fair to designate a movie as a potential “classic.” Get back to me in 2028.)

So there aren’t enough Thanksgiving movies, that’s clear. But what about holiday specials? Once again, there are some to choose from, but not as many as the other two third quarter holidays. There’s Bugs Bunny’s Thanksgiving Diet, one of the late 70s/early 80s compilation Looney Tunes specials that wraps a new framing sequence around clips from the classic cartoons. BC’s The First Thanksgiving is…weird, although thematically it at least makes a little more sense than the Christmas special. Alvin and the Chipmunks: A Chipmunk Celebration? This is baffling, as it is CLEARLY a Thanksgiving special, but they NEVER EVEN SAY THE WORD “THANKSGIVING.” They dance around it, referring to the “holiday,” which is utterly bizarre to me. Thanksgiving doesn’t even have the religious connotations that make some modern specials afraid to mention Christmas, and what’s more, this came out in 1994. Does David Seville just despise the concept of “thanks”?

“Let’s get ready for Simon’s hate crime!”

Nah, just like Christmas and Halloween, the top two specials belong to our friends from the newspaper pages: A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving and Garfield’s Thanksgiving. The former features the legendary sequence in which Charlie Brown serves a highly-ungrateful Peppermint Patty a Thanksgiving dinner of popcorn, toast, pretzels, and jellybeans. It’s a classic bit, and it really makes me wonder why Kellogg’s, who released a Great Pumpkin-themed cereal for Halloween this year, didn’t follow suit with a cereal that looks like popcorn and jellybeans.

Put that in a bowl.

As for Garfield, this special is second only to his legendary Halloween adventure, showing Jon finally get a date with Liz the Vet, who bizarrely agrees to a first date of having Thanksgiving dinner with him. Jon being Jon, though, he totally fouls up the dinner, and winds up having to call Grandma Arbuckle to save the day. The special is great, with some of the surreal humor that made Garfield back in the day so much fun. Plus, you know how sometimes they manage to make cartoon food look so good that you crave it in real life? If I could bring one cartoon character into the real world, I’d have Grandma Arbuckle show up to make dinner. 

I’m getting hungry just looking at this.

If there’s one area where Thanksgiving does have a little bit of traction in pop culture, it’s in the world of the television comedy. For decades, the sitcom has used Thanksgiving as a backdrop for some classic episodes, and there are few reasons for this. First of all, with the traditional television season running from September to May, shows (especially live-action ones) would usually keep the series more or less in real time. In other words, an episode that first aired in September was usually set during September, a show that aired in February was usually set in February, and so forth. That made it easy – and even logical – to use holidays to mark the passage of time. In this streaming era, though, that concept may be endangered – when Netflix drops an entire season of a comedy in mid-July, it makes little sense to have a holiday episode. (This was even lampshaded in the first season of their Mystery Science Theater 3000 reboot, where they had a Christmas episode, but the characters quipped that people binging the series wouldn’t be watching it anywhere near Christmas.) 

The other reason is that a large number of sitcoms, historically speaking, have been about some type of family: either a traditional nuclear family, a nontraditional family, or about the “found family” that we sometimes create with a group of friends or closely-knit co-workers. As Thanksgiving is arguably the holiday most associated with family as a concept, it only makes sense to tell stories about those families at Thanksgiving. 

Although many sitcoms have had Thanksgiving episodes, there are two that elevated it to an artform: Friends and Bob’s Burgers. The gang at Central Perk made up what is possibly the most recognizable example of the “found family” sitcom in history, and although every one of the main six characters had at least one other biological family member they could have spent the day with, after the first season (where their respective plans all fell apart and they instead spent the holiday together), they rarely made a comment about spending Thanksgiving with anybody but each other. This resulted in some legendary episodes, including “The One With the Football” (in which a touch football game goes wildly out of hand), and “The One With All the Thanksgivings,” (where they reminisce about Thanksgivings past and, quite memorably, Chandler first tells Monica that he loves her while she has a turkey on her head). 

True love.

Bob’s Burgers, meanwhile, is a show about a family that owns a burger joint, with the titular Bob being a chef with dreams of grandeur, and who sees cooking Thanksgiving dinner as a point of personal pride and a constant challenge to outdo himself. Being an animated series, the shows often get far wilder than you would often see in live action, such as the Thanksgiving where a stampede of turkeys trapped the kids in an amusement park ride, the one where Bob has to drag his wife’s injured sister to Thanksgiving dinner in a blizzard, or the time a school Thanksgiving pageant turns into a horrific and hilarious gorefest. At the core, though, this is a show about a family that sincerely and deeply loves each other, and the Thanksgiving episodes are often some of the finest reflections of that. 

Also true love.

Both of these shows would make for fine Thanksgiving marathons. If only Max and Hulu (the streaming services that have them) would wise up and include a button that allows you to watch all the Thanksgiving episodes in order. We know the technology exists, people. Warner Bros., Disney? Are you listening? I’m putting you on notice: I want a “Play Thanksgiving” button come November 2024.

And of course, no discussion of Thanksgiving episodes would be complete without what is perhaps the most legendary one of them all: WKRP in Cincinnati’s “Turkeys Away.” In this episode, the manager of the titular radio station decides to stage a Thanksgiving publicity stunt by escalating a turkey giveaway to preposterous levels. This is the first episode anybody thinks of when they think of WKRP, and even people who’ve never watched the series may still be familiar with the episode’s final line, a killer punchline that has resonated in the annals of sitcom history, but which I will not spoil here for anybody who hasn’t watched the episode. It’s a classic piece of television, but it also has one perplexing footnote. The original air date for this piece of Thanksgiving history? October 30, 1978 – the day before Halloween.

“This is the best we could have hoped for.”

Still, even with these examples I have provided, it should be clear that Thanksgiving has gotten the short end of the stick when it comes to classic pieces of entertainment. I can binge Halloween specials and horror movies all October long. And once Santa comes down Main Street in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, there are more than enough Christmas movies, specials, and TV shows to keep me pleasantly stuffed until Twelfth Night in January. But even with a relatively short 22 days between Halloween and Thanksgiving, like we have this year, there just isn’t enough content to fill it all up. So to all the people out there who make movies and TV shows, I implore you: give Thanksgiving a chance. With such relatively little competition, it really wouldn’t be that hard to make the next definitive piece of Thanksgiving culture. 

I’m putting you on the same timeline as the Hulu and Max people. You got one year, folks, or I may just have to do it myself.

Blake M. Petit is a writer, teacher, and dad from Ama, Louisiana. His current writing project is the superhero adventure series Other People’s Heroes: Little Stars, a new episode of which is available every Wednesday on Amazon’s Kindle Vella platform. He realizes that he neglected to mention one specific Lifetime Thanksgiving movie, the 2015 film Jim Henson’s Turkey Hollow, produced by the Jim Henson Company and based on an idea from the legendary Jim Henson before his untimely death. It was a’ight.